| Cracky Has a Vision for America |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
In order to "Ease the Burden of Stupidity in America", Secretary Cracky proposes the following test be administered in the public schools and occasionally at home as well. Secretary Cracky has taken this test. The results will be revealed after the coming election.
The I.I.I
International Idiocy Index
On scale of 1 to 5 rate your level of agreement with the following situations. (1 = I disagree strongly, 5 = I completely agree)
1. You are in a conversation and the person you are talking to says that you are wrong. You immediately start to defend your point (increasing the volume of your voice as you franticly defend your position) without completely hearing the reasons why the other person thinks your wrong. There is no way you are wrong anyway.
2. While buying some refreshments at a movie theater, the counterperson shortchanges you a small amount of change. All through the movie you think about it and let it destroy the experience of watching a great movie and having a good time. It was worth it however because no one short changes you.
3. Your parents taught you everything you needed to know. In fact, there is no need to question any of the views and attitudes that your parents imparted on you because not only would that be useless (what would there be to gain?) it would be an insult to your parents.
4. While at work a coworker tells you a very deep secret. You are shocked but secretly very happy because that gives you something to tell all your other coworkers at lunch. This will make you appear important and well-connected. You must be in order to obtain this kind of information.
5. Living your dream and encouraged by countless glamorous war movies you enlist in the army. While on leave you brag about your exploits making yourself seem like an army of one. You are sure people will be impressed by all your war stories and endless descriptions of bloody carnage.
6. Television and movies are perfectly acceptable sources of historical information. Sure maybe they are not always right but they are close. Movies and television are much more interesting than reading a book anyway.
Add all your points and consult the chart below
6 points – Congratulations! You are not an idiot. In fact you can probably spot them beyond several kilometers away.
7 – 13 points: You are safe for now. You probably show some overt signs of idiocy but your symptoms are mild. Have friends and family watch you closely.
14- 20 points: You are in a state of idiocy. Consult a professional to help you.
21 – 30 points: Sadly,your condition is incurable. But cheer up, you may have a bright future in politics. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|09:14 pm] |
"We haven't found the stockpiles, but we knew he could make them," Bush said during a campaign stop Friday in Kutztown, Pa. "The world is better off without Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) in power."
Actually Iraq was a country that had diminished potential to create these weapons because of world spotlight and sanctions. In anycase, half the world's countries if they put resources towards chemical and biological production could make these weapons. So are we going to invade every country that has the potential to create chemical or biological weapons???
*Cracky scratches his head* |
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| An Old Idea For a New Century... |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|03:04 am] |
Unlike the other two candidates, Candidate Cracky has a plan for fixing the economy -
Lets face it. The common man has had it too good for too long. We need to give the employer a break sometimes. So in that spirit, Cracky offers you, the public a plan to get America back to work,
Setting
Longterm goals,
Achieving
Very high
Employment
Rates,
Yearly.
Its called the SLAVERY plan.
Its right for America
*Brought you by the Committee to replace one baboon with another for President. |
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| What the F*** is Teflon anyway?? |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|02:59 am] |
DOVER, Del. - The government will seek millions of dollars in fines against chemical giant DuPont for failing to provide information on potential risks of a chemical used to make Teflon, officials said Thursday.
The Environmental Protection Agency (news - web sites) alleges that from 1981 to 2001, DuPont failed to comply with federal reporting requirements regarding the synthetic chemical perfluorooctanoic acid, known as PFOA or C8.
DuPont maintains the chemical isn't harmful to humans or the environment, and that it has complied with reporting requirements, spokesman Clif Webb said.
The chemical is used in the manufacturing of fluoropolymers, including Teflon products, at DuPont's Washington Works facility near Parkersburg, W.Va.
Residents living near the plant say their health and drinking water have been harmed by the chemical. They have filed a class-action lawsuit, with a trial expected to begin in September."
Cracky sais: "Teflon dont go good with scrambled eggs. No sir." |
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| This just in.... |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|10:28 pm] |
GOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
Greece Wins, Greece Wins!!!! |
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| This just in from CNN |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|01:05 pm] |
(excerpted from a live broadcast on June 9 , 1994)
...the sudden disappearence of Colin Powell, the much respected Secretary of State under President George Bush hit the capital hard. Speculation on his fate has ranged from a covered up emotional breakdown over the stress of lieing to the United Nations, to a far fetched theory put forth by the National Enquierer detailing a planned alien abduction.
Sadly the business of leading the nation in these troubled times must continue so the President will soon announce his appointment as Secretary of State. That announcment should come any moment now.
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*A hush falls over the crowded press room as the President takes the podium*
"My fellow Americans the disappearence of Colin Powell has been a great disturbance to my administration and I would like to ensure the American people that all the resources of the federal government including the F.B.I and N.S.A. will track down whoever is responsible for this outrage and they will be brought to justice. In the meantime I am appointing as Secretary of State my long time friend and pet baboon Cracky. Cracky will now answer any questions you may have."
* a somewhat disheveled and surly looking baboon takes the stand and grabs the microphone threateningly. A brave reporter stands and asks a question.*
"Mister President , do you think its wise to appoint a non-sensical wild animal as Secretary of State??"
*Cracky throws the microphone at the reporter knocking him to the floor. The President intervenes between Cracky and the foolish reporter*
"No more questions! No more questions today! Thats all."
*Another shocked reporter talking to the camera after the press meeting*
"Amazing! in an unorthodox move the President of the United States appoints a baboon as the new Secretary of State to replace the missing Colin Powell.
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